Shmuel saw the tall and handsome oldest son of Yishai named Aliav and figured that he must be the chosen one. Hashem told Shmuel (ibid verse 7), “He is not the one, don’t just look at his high and haughty posture, he has been rejected from being crowned; whereas humans only see the external, I Hashem judge him from the inside.” Chazal say (Pesachim 66b and Sifri Devarim 17) that really Aliav was destined to be the king, but because of his anger (see Shmuel I, 17:28 explicitly) and haughty demeanor, he was rejected. This needs to be understood, what is going on here?

Meanwhile, one by one, each son of Yishai’s was rejected until Shmuel asked, “do any others exist?” Yishia replied, “there is one more young lad who is shepherding the sheep.” As soon as David was seen by Shmuel, Hashem told him: “Anoint him for he is the one!”

David had been the rejected son of Yishai. Yishai came from Rus the Moavite who married Boaz. There was a big dispute as to whether a Moavite woman could even convert. Although it was later unequivocally proven that she was a completely valid convert, at that time it was a raging controversy. Recognizing this, Yishai separated from his wife and did not wish to create more questionable children. His wife knew that he was mistaken and she dressed up as another concubine wife of Yishai and lived with Yishai. When Yishai’s wife was discovered to be pregnant, she was suspected of adultery, looked down on and questioned (even though she was really pregnant from her own husband!). David was born from this incident and entered the world in a most rejected way. He was seen as an illegitimate child, coming from Moavite descent and looked down upon by his brothers. He was not accepted in the community and instead spent his days in the field tending to the sheep and turning towards Hashem, the only One who knew the truth about him and whom he could pour out his heart and soul and grow closer to.

When David was anointed, all of the questions were answered and he was accepted. He went from being the rejected stone to the primary cornerstone in one moment. This was a great day of joy. David’s life experiences were painful, but they taught him true humility and trust in Hashem. They gave him the most vital and precious skills in life. They gave him what it took to be the king of the Jewish nation. Shmuel was taught a lesson about arrogance specifically when trying to anoint the new king in order to show that when it came to the Jewish kingship, there was absolutely no room for arrogance. The person who would bring the nation closer to Hashem could not have a trace of arrogance. This was same reason that Aliav was rejected as his minor imperfection of arrogance was an unacceptable flaw for royalty. David shows us through his beautiful Tehillim how to open our hearts and purify our souls to long for and get closer to Hashem through heart-felt prayer and true humility.

What is Kibuv Av V’aim doing on the side of the Luchos that represents the relationship between man and God? The short answer is that: One’s parents set the tone for one’s spiritual connection to God. The longer explanation is as follows. David states in Tehillim (116:16), “Please help me Hashem for I am your servant, the son of your maidservant, please free me!” Why does David mention his mother in this request? David is expressing the fact that his mother taught him what it means to be a devoted servant of Hashem.

The Chovos HaLevavos explains that when a child is born he or she thinks that the parents are the ones that provide all of his or her physical and emotional needs. The baby cries and get what it wants. As the baby grows older the parents teach the child that there is a Hashem Who is the Master of the world. This idea is very abstract to the child, but the parents serve as a physical parable for Hashem Who is the True Provider. As the child develops and matures he begins to recognize that Hashem is the Only Provider for both him and even his parents. This is the meaning of what David proclaimed (Tehillim 37:10), “for my father and mother have forsaken me and Hashem has taken me under His care.” David recognized that only Hashem was his True Provider.

The Mitzvah of honoring one’s parents trains the child to recognize and grow closer to someone outside of him or herself that is supporting and providing him with all his needs. Parents have a profound impact on building one’s spiritual focus and in training children to follow in the Way of Hashem. This is why the commandment to respect parents is found on the side of the Luchos that represents the service of God. May we all merit to share our emunah and desire to get closer to Hashem with our loved ones.

Yalkut Shimoni (Bereishis 41) states that Adam was shown all of the future generations that would grace earth. He saw that David was only inscribed to live for all of three hours. Adam proclaimed to Hashem, “Give him seventy years from my life and I present him with royalty and all of the beautiful praises that he will sing to You Hashem throughout his life.” What does this mean and what is it all about?

Adam was created on Friday and was meant to bring the world to perfection. In the 9^th hour of his creation Adam was commanded not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. He was meant to exercise his freewill and self-control for the next three hours in order to bring the world to perfection which would come at the 12^th hour which would turn into Shabbos, the day of rest and eternal Kingship for Hashem (See Sanhedrin 38b). This would not be the case; Adam and Chavah partook of the tree and were thus banished from Gan Eden. What made Adam sin; why didn’t he just follow Hashem’s plan and control himself for one more moment?

The commentators explain the monumental challenge and excruciating choice which Adam and Chavah were faced with. That moment contained the greatest challenge to Adam’s ego ever faced. Adam said: “My job is too easy! All I need to do is to refrain from eating from the tree and then the world will be perfected! I want a bigger part in perfecting the world. Instead, I will sin, bring darkness to the world and disconnect from Hashem and from having my ultimate clarity and then I will perfect the world form that low point; that would be most impressive!” What he did not realize was that this was precisely the hardest test for him, namely, would he submit to Hashem’s commandment or would he let his ego get in the way?! He failed and expressed his ego, eating from the tree and unleashing a force so powerful and a darkness so dark that he himself wondered if he had just destroyed the world (Midrash). Death, evil and darkness were now a very part of this world.

The antidote to this ego and selfishness would be embodied by David. David was the epitome of prayer and deep connection to Hashem. David dedicated his every fiber to attaching and desiring to be connected to the Will of Hashem. David’s ordained three hour lifespan represented the three hour struggle of Adam before he sinned. David was given seventy years from Adam as a hope that he would be the one to perfect the world and herald the coming of Mashiach.

David was born under the same Mazel of Dam, Blood, which Eisav was born under. Both were reddish in complexion and had flaming lusts and desires. Eisav allowed his passions to take over and failed in life; David used his passions to fuel his excitement and service of Hashem and was victorious. David sang Zemiros, songs, whose root word is Zemer, sword, as a means whereby to fight off his own passions and desires. David conquered his traits and became the beloved king of the nation. David was the quintessential king who represented the heart of his nation (See Rambam Melachim 3:6). Indeed, Rabbi Tzadok HaKohen states that the words of Tehillim encapsulate in a general sense, every possible feeling, emotion and prayer that a person can have. David is the representative of the entire Jewish people. He is the one whose heart and mind were dedicated wholly to Hashem. David inspires us to turn to Hashem with all of our hearts and to help bring the world to perfection through our actions.

I would suggest that the way that Shlomo rose to power and greatness was on account of his illustrious father’s prayers and cries to Hashem to allow him and his descendants to remain the conduits for bringing out Kavod Shamayim. Chazal also tell us that it was in the merit of his righteous mother BasSheva’s rebuke and prayers. She prayed to Hashem from the depth of her heart to have a son who would be a true servant of Hashem and thus a most fitting king. She demanded of Shlomo that he put forth his full effort to develop into a noble and honorable person. Shlomo paid tribute to her in the Aishes Chayil song which was sung about her (Mishlei Chapter 31).

The Midrash (Shir HaShirim Rabbah 1:6) lists the similarities between David and Shlomo’s lives. “Both were Kings, Wise Men, Tzaddikim and respected. What is written about one is found about the other as well. Both ruled  for 40 years (David from age 30 to 70; Shlomo from 12 to 52), both were king over Yehuda and Yisrael (unlike after them when the kingdom split between the two), both built parts of the Beis HaMikdash, Dovid made the foundation and Shlomo made the structure, both were authors, both built altars and made sacrifices to Hashem.” The contrast is fascinating and illuminating. David built the internal part of the Mikdash and Shlomo built the external grandeur. David’s prayers were the internal essence of the Mikdash and Shlomo had the privilege of continuing his father’s work and putting up the physical building, one of external beauty and one that inspired awe for Hashem. Tehillim is the inner prayers of David, the internal sanctuary which we build as Jews.

One of the recurring ideas expressed regarding the Korban Pesach is that one needed to be counted as part of a group in order to partake of the obligation to eat the Pesach offering. If an antisocial person was to not want to join a group and wished instead to simply form his own “group” and bring his own lamb, this was prohibited as one was not allowed to leave over any meat past Chatzos and eating an entire lamb on one’s own is an impossibility.

Why was it set up this way? One of the most important and powerful aspects of the Exodus was the formation of the unified Jewish Nation. The Jews were encouraged to come together as one unit. This was the prerequisite for Shavuos and the acceptance of the Torah which followed fifty days after the Exodus. The Torah describes the Jews at Sinai as being united, “like one person with one heart (see Rashi Shemos 19:2).”

Being part of a group created a certain bond and empowerment. Many companies and political parties start clubs for youths to give them an affiliation and relationship with the party so that when they grow older and have the choice, they will stay with that specific group. There is a lure and magic in being a part of a larger group. I have found that when I travel internationally many Jews who otherwise would not talk to me or wish to socialize with me on mainland, are lured to me and wish to be with me in the airports and foreign countries. We all deeply strive to be connected to something bigger and greater.

The purpose of the Korban Pesach was not to torture the man suffering from social-phobia by forcing him to be part of a group, rather it was meant to unite the nation and instill a feeling of Jewish patriotism. Indeed, in the Plague of Darkness, one of the descriptions of the darkness is expressed as (Shemos 10:23), “no one saw his friend.” This is not just a technical detail; it is a significant part of the punishment. During Darkness each Egyptian felt isolated and separated from his nation. They were stopping the Jews from being a united nation and so they were punished with exact repayment until they let us free. The Gemara (Chagigah 9a) describes the opportunity to join a group doing a Mitzvah as an irreplaceable experience that can never be made up. The privilege of joining a group of people growing together and serving Hashem is the most powerful experience.

We begin the Pesach Seder by inviting all those in need of a meal to please join us. The entire theme of Pesach is to care about others. We collect money for those in need for the weeks before Pesach and we work towards Shavuos by striving to treat our acquaintances with the respect that they deserve, as we painfully learned from the sin of the student of Rebbe Akiva who died because of their lack of respect for others (Yevamos 62b). With a positive affiliation with the rest of the Jewish Nation we are in a position to grow and become the greatest that we can be.

The Midrash (ibid.) states that there is a philosophical dispute between two rabbinic scholars as to where wisdom is located. Rebbe Eliezer holds that it is in the head (intellect) and Rebbe Yehoshua holds that it is in the heart (emotions). The Midrash states that the letter Alef represents wisdom which is located in the head at the top of one’s body just like Alef is the top letter, whereas the letter Mem represents the heart as it is the middle of the alphabet and thus corresponds to the heart which is located in the middle of one’s body. King David started Tehillim with the letter Alef because he held that wisdom is in the mind (Alef) and King Shlomo stated Mishlei with the letter Mem because he held that wisdom is in the heart (Mem). This is the complete Midrash, yet it appears to be a total enigma and counterintuitive. I would have thought that David and Shlomo would have the exact opposite views?! David’s Tehillim are heart-wrenching outpourings of emotion and feeling and seem to emanate directly from his heart, not his mind, and Shlomo’s proverbs are brilliant intuitive musings that seem to clearly emanate from his mind and not the heart?!

The explanation is that in truth both components make up true wisdom. There must be intellect and there must be heart. The argument is simply which is more important. When Shlomo requested wisdom from Hashem he specifically asked to have “a listening heart to be able to properly judge the nation (Melachim I 3:9).” Shlomo did not want to become a heartless robot who ruled without feelings. He certainly needed wisdom in his mind, but he made sure that his wisdom included heart and understanding for others as well. King David was the essence of heart and love. He uses the word Lev, heart, repeatedly throughout Tehillim; he proclaims (Tehillim 9:2) “I will praise Hashem with all my heart!” He was filled with passion, emotion and heart. But his heart did not throw him off. With all of his emotions and deep longings, he remained grounded and rational and was able to exercise his intellect as well. He knew that sometimes Hashem would not heed to his requests. He would pour out his heart and beg Hashem for things, but he knew intellectually that ultimately Hashem knows what is best for him. He would then incorporate this into his emotion and grow even closer to Hashem. King David introduced the concept of “no tear goes unnoticed and unanswered by Hashem,” sometimes the tears accumulate and sometimes they are applied elsewhere, but they are always heard. “Place my tears in your flask and account for them (Tehillim 56:9).”

When we study Tehillim, we can greatly benefit by using our hearts and minds. Tehillim is filled with heart-warming hope and prayer and deep cries for help and comfort from Hashem. Tehillim is saturated with both intellectual and emotional gems. May we merit to learn Sefer Tehillim together with a focus on the beautiful and powerful lessons that stir our hearts and minds and that deeply uplift our souls.

Rabbi Gedalia Schorr (1910-79) poses this question in Sefer Ohr Gidalyahu. He explains based on the Zohar that the Ten Makos correspond to the Aserah Maamaros, Ten Utterances with which Hashem created the world (See Avos 5:1). Hashem’s world is one in which His presence and control are meant to be recognized and acknowledged by His subjects and the recipients of His Kindness. When evil people do not follow Hashem’s Will, they are so to speak denying the sovereignty of Hashem and in effect denying that He created the world. The Egyptians were the world power and a nation that set the tone for moral decadence. They were steeped in all sorts of evil actions including idolatry, promiscuousness, black-magic and the abuse of other nations. They were in effect denying Hashem’s existence and living life according to their personal desires. The Ten Makos came to establish Hashem as the Unlimited Ruler and True Creator of the world. Each of the Ten Makos corresponded to one of the Ten Maamaros in reverse order. The Makos showed that Hashem controlled the world and was watching over all of its details. The Makos reestablished the Ten Utterances of creation by slowly reestablishing each one in backwards order.

The first Makah was Dam, Blood, this corresponded to the last Maamer of “Let us make man (Bereishis 1:26).” Man is seen as comprised of Dam (which is the root of Adam) which is his life-force and vitality (see Vayikra 17:11). The last three Makos of Locust, Darkness and Death to Firstborns corresponded to the first three Maamaros. The first Maamer was “Bereishis, let there be a Beginning (See Rosh HaShana 32a)” and thus corresponded to the death of the first borns of Egypt. The second Maamar was “let there be light” and thus corresponded to Darkness. The third Maamar was “let there be a firmament which separates the upper waters from the lower ones (Berieshis 1:6).” This corresponds to Locust which covered the entire sky and blocked out the sun (See Shemos 10:5) thus causing another separation between the earth and the sky.

The Seforim write that the Ten Makos and Ten Maamaros also correspond to the Ten Sefiros. The first three Sefiros are those of the mind and the last seven are those of the heart and body. Accordingly, Chochma, Binah and Daas refer to Locust, Darkness and Death to Firstborns. Chesed, Gevurah, Tiferes, Netzach, Hod and Yesod refer to Blood, Frogs, Lice, Beasts, Pestilence, Boils and Hail. The Seforim explain that the goal of the human being is to use his intellect (the top three traits) and to connect that knowledge to his body (the bottom seven, physical application). In English, this simply means to apply our knowledge into action and not to let the body and ego rule. The sin of the Egyptians was that they separated their knowledge from their bodies and allowed their own egos to rule them. The place where the head (intellect) meets the body (earthy lusts) is at the neck. This is the place of resistance to truth. One who doesn’t follow Hashem is called a “stiff necked and stubborn” person. The letters that make up Pharaoh (פרעה) also rearrange to spell “the neck (הערף).” The Ten Makos are split up in order to stress the reason that the Egyptians were getting punished. They had separated the three traits of intellect (Parshas Bo) from the seven traits of action (Va’eira). They had denied Hashem’s power and rulership and thus Hashem set them straight. Indeed, the word Va’eira refers to seeing, in this case seeing truth and the word Bo means “to come” referring to movement based on truth. May we all merit learn truth and apply it to our lives in a most rewarding and beautiful way.

פרשת וארא

Mind Over Matter

One of the most integral themes of the Parsha is the Ten Plagues with which Egypt was smitten. What is fascinating to note is the fact that all ten of them are not contained in one Parsha. Rather, the first 7 are found in Va’eira and the last 3 are in next week’s Parshas Bo. It is well known that the Gematria, numerical value, of Bo (Beis Alef) is three and the Gematria of the first two letters of Va’eira (Vav Alef) is seven hinting to the number of Makos that each Parsha contains. What needs to be understood is why the Makos are split up between two Parshios?

Rabbi Gedalia Schorr (1910-79) poses this question in Sefer Ohr Gidalyahu. He explains based on the Zohar that the Ten Makos correspond to the Aserah Maamaros, Ten Utterances with which Hashem created the world (See Avos 5:1). Hashem’s world is one in which His presence and control are meant to be recognized and acknowledged by His subjects and the recipients of His Kindness. When evil people do not follow Hashem’s Will, they are so to speak denying the sovereignty of Hashem and in effect denying that He created the world. The Egyptians were the world power and a nation that set the tone for moral decadence. They were steeped in all sorts of evil actions including idolatry, promiscuousness, black-magic and the abuse of other nations. They were in effect denying Hashem’s existence and living life according to their personal desires. The Ten Makos came to establish Hashem as the Unlimited Ruler and True Creator of the world. Each of the Ten Makos corresponded to one of the Ten Maamaros in reverse order. The Makos showed that Hashem controlled the world and was watching over all of its details. The Makos reestablished the Ten Utterances of creation by slowly reestablishing each one in backwards order.

The first Makah was Dam, Blood, this corresponded to the last Maamer of “Let us make man (Bereishis 1:26).” Man is seen as comprised of Dam (which is the root of Adam) which is his life-force and vitality (see Vayikra 17:11). The last three Makos of Locust, Darkness and Death to Firstborns corresponded to the first three Maamaros. The first Maamer was “Bereishis, let there be a Beginning (See Rosh HaShana 32a)” and thus corresponded to the death of the first borns of Egypt. The second Maamar was “let there be light” and thus corresponded to Darkness. The third Maamar was “let there be a firmament which separates the upper waters from the lower ones (Berieshis 1:6).” This corresponds to Locust which covered the entire sky and blocked out the sun (See Shemos 10:5) thus causing another separation between the earth and the sky.

The Seforim write that the Ten Makos and Ten Maamaros also correspond to the Ten Sefiros. The first three Sefiros are those of the mind and the last seven are those of the heart and body. Accordingly, Chochma, Binah and Daas refer to Locust, Darkness and Death to Firstborns. Chesed, Gevurah, Tiferes, Netzach, Hod and Yesod refer to Blood, Frogs, Lice, Beasts, Pestilence, Boils and Hail. The Seforim explain that the goal of the human being is to use his intellect (the top three traits) and to connect that knowledge to his body (the bottom seven, physical application). In English, this simply means to apply our knowledge into action and not to let the body and ego rule. The sin of the Egyptians was that they separated their knowledge from their bodies and allowed their own egos to rule them. The place where the head (intellect) meets the body (earthy lusts) is at the neck. This is the place of resistance to truth. One who doesn’t follow Hashem is called a “stiff necked and stubborn” person. The letters that make up Pharaoh (פרעה) also rearrange to spell “the neck (הערף).” The Ten Makos are split up in order to stress the reason that the Egyptians were getting punished. They had separated the three traits of intellect (Parshas Bo) from the seven traits of action (Va’eira). They had denied Hashem’s power and rulership and thus Hashem set them straight. Indeed, the word Va’eira refers to seeing, in this case seeing truth and the word Bo means “to come” referring to movement based on truth. May we all merit learn truth and apply it to our lives in a most rewarding and beautiful way.

Close To Torah author and my close friend, Rabbi Yosef Radner, renowned author of the three volume Nachlas Mayim on Sugyas HaShas, and the weekly “Lomdus Shiur”, which brings lomdus out of the bais medrash to those who do not have the time to plumb the depths of a sugya and are thus deprived the enjoyment of lomdus, has started a new website – hosting all of his recorded and printed shiurim on a vast array of topics.

Here is the link to his site: http://www.lomdusshiur.com/. Very worthwhile to check out.

To subscribe to Rabbi Radner’s weekly lomdus/Parsha Dvar Torah, or for any questions or comments, please contact him at  ryradner@gmail.com.

The Gemara (Berachos 64a) tells us that Tzaddikim have no rest in this world and in Olam HaBah, the future world of reward. The greatest gift and pleasure is understanding Hashem’s Wisdom and Torah. The Tzaddikim will continue to grow and delight in Torah for eternity (Ramchal). The human mind cannot fully fathom what this means but we can understand that Hashem wishes to give all of us the greatest pleasure in the world. The Gemara (Berachos 17a) describes the Tzaddikim in Olam HaBah as, “the righteous sit with their crowns on their heads and delight in the shine of the Shechina.” Interestingly, a similar phraseology is found in the verse in Mishlei (12:4), which states “The Aishes Chayil is the crown of her husband.” In fact, the Vilna Goan (Mishlei ibid.) ties these two crowns together. The crown represents royalty and mastery. The king and queen wear a crown to show their elevated stature. They are above all the rest of the people. It is no coincidence that a crown is worn on the head. True authority and respect is only earned through the development of the mind which controls one’s outlook and the way that he or she interacts with and treats others. The Aishes Chayil elevates her husband and helps him fulfil the Shabbos song, “D’aye Chachma L’Nafshecha, V’Hi Keser L’Roshechah, acquire Torah knowledge in your heart and it serves as a crown upon your head.” She elevates her husband just as Torah elevates those that connect with it.

We have quoted from the Vilna Goan that the name “Aishes Chayil” contains the letters, “חיל, Valor” which equal 48 numerically. The Mishna (Avos 4:13 and 6:6) states that there are three crowns, Kehunah, Malchus and Torah. The crown of Kehunah has 24 benefits, that of Malchus has 30, and that of Torah has 48 (as enumerated in the Mishna). The Vilna Goan points out that the Aishes Chayil is deeply committed to growth in Torah and thus is called Chayil which has the numerical value of 48 and is also comprised of the letters: חיל which break up into ,חי + ל (18 + 30). This hints to the fact that Malchus is higher than Kehunah in that it has 30 benefits and Torah is higher than Malchus in that it has 18 more benefits, totaling 48. The Aishes Chayil has tremendous greatness.

The ultimate praise is that she works hard to be the best person that she could be. She does not remain complacent and simply rest on her laurels. She certainly does not try to outdo others. She does not pretend to be the most righteous woman to have ever lived since our Matriarch Sarah. Rather “V’at Alis al Kulana, you surpass them all,” she is committed to the quest to surpass her own self. To build and to grow further every day, to be a better person than who she was yesterday. This is how the Aishes Chayil lives her life. She is a healthy and normal human being who has challenges and off days. While at that same time her focus is on trying her best, connecting with Hashem and being a living example to her husband and children in how to grow and develop more and more each day. The journey to greatness and true beauty and fulfillment continues throughout all of her life. With all of her beauty and wisdom, the most praiseworthy and special part about her is her passion for growth and continued development. She knows what life is all about… she is a true Bas Yisrael, a true role model… a true Aishes Chayil!

Avos (1:14) states that Hillel used to say, “If I am not for myself, who will be?!, but when I am only for myself and not others, what am I worth?!, if not now, then when?” What does this mean and how does the last phrase about not procrastinating have to do with the first part of the statement about caring for oneself and others? The commentators explain that each one of the maxims endorsed by the rabbis in Pirkei Avos was an expression of his specific life mission and credo. Hillel was known for his love and patience when dealing with others (See Shabbos 31a). The Torah recognizes the personal needs of each individual. This is why we are taught (Bava Metzia 62a), “your life precedes that of others when you can only save one person.” Chazal (Bereishis Rabbah 14:9) tell us that our soul has five names, Nefesh, Ruach, Neshamah, Chayah and Yechidah.” Each name represents a different and higher aspect of the soul. The last two represent the highest levels of human achievement. Chayah refers to the life vitality and eternity of the soul (ibid.) and Yechidah means “individualism” which refers to the greatest and deepest achievement of human growth. The peak of human achievement is to be in touch with oneself in a most deep and meaningful way; it represents the self-knowledge and self-mastery of a true great person. The study of Torah is intended to specifically bring out this recognition and accomplishment and not to negate individual creativity as many unfortunately think.

On the other hand, with such a strong focus on the self comes a danger that one will forget about his or her surroundings and fellow people. Thus, the Torah stresses the unity and power of Klal Yisrael as a nation. Throughout Shemos the Jews came together and were united until they were able to stand at Sinai “like one person with one unified heart (Mechilta Shemos).” That is how Torah is lived. This explains the statement of Hillel which focused on one’s foremost responsibility towards himself and then towards one’s fellow man. One may hear this dichotomy and be very confused. How can I focus on myself and others as well. Thus, Hillel concludes with a statement regarding the importance of time. One may think that I am not interested in helping others, why should I work to make them feel good and have their needs met. Hillel reminds us that life is limited and has a very specific purpose which is to grow in spirituality. Part of this is breaking the ego and learning to care about others. Hillel is encouraging us to find life and enjoyment in the pursuit of loving our neighbor and caring for his or her needs. Shemos is the story of the Jewish Nation but even more strongly it comes to stress the power of self-mastery and individual growth. Hashem counted each name by itself to show His interest in each individual’s growth. With this focus and commitment one is able to be a proud part of the Jewish Nation.

Succos is the culmination of the Yamim NoRa’im and the Jewish New Year. Its purpose is to help incubate and concretize all of the beautiful inspiration that we picked up throughout Elul and Tishrei.  By going into the Succah we put our faith into action and remember how Hashem took care of the Jews in the desert by means of His clouds of glory and fire. Succos is a time of introspection and deepening of our commitment to serve Hashem properly. Anything that we do inside the Succah becomes a Mitzvah. When we eat, sleep, spend time with friends and family under the Succah shade, we have fulfilled a positive Torah command with ease. This is amazing. We learn that all of our actions can be elevated and done for the sake of Heaven. When we sleep so that we will be healthy and eat with a thought about taking care of our bodies so that we can serve Hashem with vigor, we have elevated the mundane world to its true spiritual purpose (See Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 231). Succos teaches us just how to do this. When we contemplate the lesson of Succos we are inspired and recognize that Hashem has given us a most beautiful and special opportunity to transform every moment of our lives into eternity and connection to Him. We burst forth with joyous singing and reach the stage of “only happiness” of Simchas Torah.

The Aishes Chayil lives life with this focus and deep recognition. She teaches her children how to elevate the mundane. She shows them by example how to daven and how to make Berachos. When she says Birchas HaMazone she elevates the entire meal to a feast and banquet with Hashem as the Guest of Honor. She thanks Him for all of her blessings that he gave her. This is why Succos and Simchas Torah are hinted to specifically in this verse. The Aishes Chayil lives life with a focus on spirituality and thus can laugh with ease at her final day. She knows that she has elevated her life and her actions to be in line with the Will of Hashem. She has built a year-round Succah where the warm of Torah and Mitzvos and the joy of spiritual growth are contagious.

The Gemara (ibid.) continues to ask why we only whisper the phrase of Baruch Shem when we say Shema in prayer. When Moshe wrote down the verses of Shema he omitted Baruch Shem, thus really we too should not say it. However, since Yaakov himself said it, we whisper it quietly. What in the world does this mean? To compound this issue, the Gemara gives a parable that is meant to clarify the entire matter which seems to only add to the enigma: There was once a princess who smelled a delicious aroma emanating from the kitchen. She asked her butler to bring her some of that dish. When he got to the kitchen he saw that it was not a royal meal being prepared for the king and his family but rather it was a private dish that the king’s servants has made for themselves. The butler reasoned that it would be disrespectful to present it to the princess for it was food of the simpletons, but on the other hand she asked for it and so he had to sneak her a portion without any fanfare. What is being said here? How and why does this relate to the phrase of Baruch Shem?!

Rabbi Chaim Volozhin (1749-1821, Nefesh HaChaim III:11) explains the depth here. The first verse of Shema establishes Hashem’s Unity and Perfection, there is nothing else to add to this. It states that Hashem is Intrinsically Perfect. Any further words would simply subtract. Hashem is the ultimately Perfect and Unified Being. Baruch Shem talks about Hashem’s rulership of the entire universe including earth and us His subjects. Imagine if a servant stood before the king and wished to make a request. He would begin by saying praises and recounting the King’s greatness. He would mention the King’s power, wealth, greatness and perfection. How would it sound if he would say, “You are the king of one million ant hills, one hundred thousand termite mounds and five million bird nests.” This may be true and that may be a part of his kingdom, but it is terribly disrespectful. It is the same thing with our mentioning of the praise of Hashem. When we say Shema Yisrael we are telling over the Perfection and Unity of God, this is the greatest praise. But when we say Baruch Shem we are referring to His kingdom of planets and earth, things that pale in comparison to His Intrinsic Greatness. We are talking about earth which compared to Hashem is a huge anthill!

So why do we mention it? Yaakov taught his children that Hashem in His Greatness and Infinite Wisdom created us to be His subjects and therefore He loves and cares for us. Although we are lowly in comparison to His Greatness, He put us here in order to serve Him, and praise Him and grow close to Him. That is the greatest pleasure to Him. This is truth was part of the revelation of Yaakov regarding the end of days. Ramchal (Taas Tevunos) explains that the more lowly and dark the world gets, the greater the revelation of Hashem’s rulership is manifest. Yaakov taught us that our job is to elevate our lowly state and to bring holiness and Hashem’s presence down on earth.

There is a story told regarding Margaret Thatcher as she began her term as Prime Minister (of the United Kingdom from 1979 to 1990). She was invited by the Queen of England to a private party. Eager to make a good impression, she went out and had the most magnificent and expensive blue dress made for her. She arrived at the party with great excitement and feeling very proud. Suddenly, her worst nightmare became a reality. The Queen was wearing the exact same dress as she was. She panicked and feared that her dress would be considered a deep insult against the Queen. Laying low and trying not to attract attention she left the party as quietly and quickly as she could. When she got home her heart was pounding as she wrote her sincere and heartfelt apology to the Queen. “I genuinely apologize for this terrible insult. It was truly unintentional. I have resolved to find out what the Queen will be wearing to future events so that my mistake will never be repeated again…” Immediately, she used her political connections and got the letter over to the secretary of the Queen. She waited anxiously for the reply. Her mind raced with all types of doubts about her future political career that hanged on the line. The secretary wrote back a one sentence reply: “The Queen never notices what anyone else is wearing- she’s the Queen!”

This idea finds root in Jewish thought. The Gemara in Shabbos (59b) discusses women wearing jewelry on Shabbos and talks about an expensive neck piece called, ‘The Golden Jerusalem’. One opinion states that it is considered an ornament and thus a woman cannot wear it outside on Shabbos as she may come to take it off to show it off to her friends and will be carrying without an Eruv. Rabbi Eliezer states that she is allowed to wear it outside on Shabbos. He explains that only a prominent lady (“Isha Chashuva”) would wear such a piece and “prominent women have no need to take off their jewelry to show to others!”

The Aishes Chayil has a deep-rooted sense of intrinsic value. She doesn’t do things because of what others will think. She doesn’t buy things so that others will look and feel jealous. She gets dressed in clothing befitting of a true Bas Yisrael Queen and she enjoys the bounty that Hashem gives her with a focus on appreciation towards Hashem for giving her precious blessings and without a thought of haughtiness and pride or superiority over others. She has a focus on internal value and thus she is modest and pleasant in her treatment of others. She is a truly prominent woman with a healthy self-esteem that is built from internal satisfaction and joy.

The Midrash (Tanchumah Vayigash 5) tells us that as Yosef HaTzaddik was speaking to his brothers after they brought Binyomin down to him in Egypt, he was overcome with emotion. Yosef felt that he could not keep his brothers in suspense any longer and he needed to reveal the true identity of Tzafnas Pane’ach to them. Yehuda and all of the brothers were highly riled up and were ready to destroy the entire Egypt in order to save Binyomin. Yosef was unable to contain himself further. He sent out all of the Egyptians and his guards and had a private talk with his eleven brothers. “I am Yosef!! Is my father still alive?!” It was an earth-shattering revelation. The Midrash states that Yosef gambled his life at that moment by sending out his guards and remaining alone with the brothers as they could have killed him on the spot and no one would have even known! So why did he do this? “Yosef said, ‘It is worth it for me to risk my life (to send out the guards) rather than to causing my brothers embarrassment when I reveal myself’!”

If we think about what is being said here it is quite awesome and unbelievable. Yosef was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers. For 22 years he missed his dear father, brother, homeland and freedom. He could have harbored bad feelings and allowed his internal resentments and hatred towards his brother who sold him to snowball into a ferocious loathing of them. Yet at this very moment of truth, he was willing to put his life on the line in order to save them from embarrassment. How was this possible?

I have noted the fascinating advent of the naming of Yosef’s two sons who were born to him in Egypt. “Yosef called his firstborn ‘Menasheh’ for Hashem has helped me forget (Nashani) my sorrows and the pain that my brothers caused me. He called the second one Efraim, for Hashem has made me productive (Hifrani) in this land of affliction” (Bereishis 41:51-2). Yosef could have spent the day wallowing in self-pity and victimhood. He could have used his troubles as an excuse as to why he was not capable of moving on and living a healthy, happy and productive life. But he did not. Yosef realized that the only person that he would be hurting by holding onto resentments was he himself. He would not accomplish or grow that way. And so he worked deeply and hard to let go. He put himself fully in Hashem’s hand and recognized that Hashem would help him forget his sorrows and pain. After he did this he experienced a deep inner freedom and empowerment. He would be a healthy and productive person. He would work to make that happen. This is signified by his two son’s names. Menasheh connotes that Yosef forgot and let go of his resentments. Efraim connotes that he thereby became a successful and productive person.

Yosef broke away from the role of victim that he easily could have fallen into and instead he choose the path of greatness. Yosef so strongly worked on himself to forgive and forget the pain caused by his brothers to the point that when he faced them, he looked at them with great love and respect. He was sensitive to their needs and he wished to ensure that they would not be exposed in public. He put his life on the line to make that happen. This is why we bless our children to be like Efraim and Menasheh. We wish for every Jew to learn how to let go of pain and resentment (Menasheh) and instead to be as productive and fruitful (Efraim) as possible!

Chazal tell us that Yaakov Aveinu fought with Eisav’s administering angel and was punched on his thigh (sciatic nerve). The verse states: “When the angel saw that he could not win, he punched Yaakov in his כף ירחו, thigh (Berieshis 22:26).” Yaakov had been left alone that night as he had forgotten “פחים קטנים, small vessels (Ibid. 22:25).” What was the nature of these small vessels that Yaakov felt they were so vital to risk his safety to retrieve them?

It is fascinating to note that the words “כף ירחו, his thigh” directly tie into Chanukah. The word כף can be inverted to spell פך, jug (of oil) which is the exact word used in the Gemara (Shabbos 21b) when describing the Chanukah miracle. “The Jew defeated the Greeks and found one pach shemen, pure jug of oil, that was still intact and sealed by the Kohen Gadol. They cleaned up the Beis HaMikdash and lit the Menorah. Also, the word yerech, thigh is used in the context of the Menorah as the verse states (Shemos 25:31) “the thigh of the Menorah.”

The Midrash explains that the evil angel hit Yaakov below the belt as a sign that he would weaken and attempt to infiltrate his future descendants. This is exactly what happened when the Greeks took over the Beis HaMikdash and put up a statue of Zeus in the holy site and brought pigs up on the altar. One third of the Jewish people were not able to withstand the pressures of Greek attacks and became Hellinized Jews. It was only when Matisyahu and his great sons stood up and fought off the Greeks that the Jews finally got back their independence.

The purpose of education is to teach the child to be an independent and autonomous person who is connected to truth and to the service of Hashem. The word yeled (child) is comprised of the same letters as de’li (bucket) to show the importance of training a child to seek to find truth and answers from within. As the verse in Mishlei (20:5) states, “Counsel if like deep water in the heart of man; the man of understanding will draw it out (ידלנה).” Chanukah emanates from the word חינוך, education. The verse in Mishlei (22:6) states, “ חנוך לנער על פי דרכו גם כי יזקין לא יסור ממנה, educate the child according to his skills in a way that the teachings will remain with him when he ages.” The word Chanoch (educate) relates to Chanukah and stresses the importance of education. The word נער, child, is comprised of three letters. The first letter נ, is numerically equal to 50 and hints to the fifty gates of wisdom. We strive to teach this wisdom of the Torah and life to the child. The last two letters of naar spell ער, which translates as “to awaken.” The goal of education is to awaken the person from within to seek out truth and enlightenment. This is the deeper meaning behind the mitzva of “parsumey nisah, publicizing the miracle,” we strive to bring the fire from within to the outside. We light at dark in order to bring out our light and until the time that “the feet (of people) are cleared from the street (Shabbos 21b).” The reference to “feet” hints to Yaakov who was punched in the thigh (mid-leg area).

When we light the Menorah we are told in Jewish law to hold the candle to the wick until the wick catches fire and is able to burn on its own. This is the exact way that the Kohen Gadol was commanded to light the Menorah in the Beis HaMikdash (see Bamidbar 8:1 and Rashi ad loc.). This is the purpose of chinuch to light and inspire our youth to carry the flame of the Torah based on internal recognition and conviction.

When Yaakov went back for the small pach, the Shach al HaTorah brings down from a Midrash that he was returning back to get the jug of oil that would later be found during the time of Chanukah. Additionally, Rabbeinu Bechaya states that the jugs were called “pachim ketanim” because they were jugs belonging to the children. Another hint to children. Chanukah is so deeply hinted to by the entire episode of Yaakov and the angel of death (Chazal say that he is the same as Saro Shel Esav) and the lesson of teaching our children about the beauty of life and Hashem. This is the entire theme of Al HaNissim, to give thanks to Hashem.

The Greeks made the Jews write, “God has forsaken you” on all of their ox horns (Berieshis Rabbah 2:4). What was this decree all about? It has been noted that in ancient times baby bottles were made out of ox horns as their funnel shape was optimal for their task. Thus, the Greeks tried to force the Jews to raise their children under the influence of denying Hashem. This is why the word “darkness” refers to Greece (Midrash ibid.) for they wished to darken the world for religious Jews. The Jews fought back and instead educated their youth to love and be committed to Torah. Some say that the draidel was played by children who were learning Torah and needed to fool the Greeks into thinking that they were simply gathered for game tournaments.

Chanukah is a time where we show children that “a small light can shine forth and push away much darkness” (Chovos HaLevavos). This may be the reason that there is a custom to give gift and money to children, in order to draw them into the simcha of Chanukah. We each have a child within. This Chanukah may we find the inspiration and strength to see the beauty of Torah and life and may the lesson remain with us as we continue our spiritual journey through life.

Two most relevant answers appear to me. Firstly, say a child is with his mother in a shopping market and he spots a candy. The child grabs it off the shelf and announces to his mother that he is taking it. She calmly explains to him that he cannot have it. He refuses to listen. She more didactically tells him to put it back explaining that it is not good for his teeth and that there are certain times that he can earn candy but this is not one of them. He cries and makes and entire scene saying that she is so mean and that she must hate him. She holds firm knowing that for so many reasons she cannot give in. Say this mother would have succumbed to the pressure and allowed her son to have the candy, would that have been a kindness or a disservice for the child? It would have looked like a kindness on the outside, but in truth it would not have been the right thing for the child. Hence, her strictness was really the ultimate favor and care. Sometimes, a wife may think about allowing her husband or children to have another dessert or give in to something that she feels will be unhealthy physically or spiritually, but that is not really kindness. She holds strong to make sure that her point and concerns are heard. The extra words, “and not bad” refer to the time that she must assert herself to ensure that only good things come to her family members.

Secondly, as an educator of young students, I have been faced numerous times with the sly student. He is average looking, but very intelligent and tries to hide all of his actions behind noble intentions. For example, he will talk in the middle of class and then justify this by saying that he was asking his classmate if he needed a drink because he looked sick. He will be caught in the middle of an intense fight and tell you that he was trying to make peace and became the victim. He is very convincing, but cannot fool you, the mature adult sees right past it. The problem is that he fools himself. He must learn to admit the background of his intentions. In life, when we interact with others, we have the opportunity to do kindness or to hide our actions and cover up for their evil roots. The Aishes Chayil is a beacon of truth through and through. The way that she bestows kindness is genuine and sincere. When she bestows kindness on her husband it is the real type, “V’Lo Rah”, with the deepest and most noble of intentions deep down as well.  All of the above listed traits and attributes of the Aishes Chayil emanate from a most beautiful and well-intended place.

The famous question is: What did Yosef do wrong? Was he expected to pass up the opportunity to have someone speak on his behalf to Pharaoh? Are we not required to do our part in trying to get things done? Additionally, the Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah 88:3) makes a perplexing comment here that needs to be understood. “Hashem got a master (Pharaoh) angry at his servants (the butler and baker) to raise up Yosef and Hashem got servants (Bigson and Seresh) angry at their master (Achashveirosh) to bring greatness to Mordechai.” What do the two have to do with one another and what is this all about?! We also find a Midrash regarding Megillas Esther (Esther Rabbah, Introduction 9) that states: “Hashem made a master (Achashveirosh) kill his wife (Vashti) on the advise of his loved one (Haman) and then He made a master (Achashveirosh) kill his loved one (Haman) on the advise of his wife (Esther).” What is this all about?

The answer lies not in what Yosef did or said, but rather in what he was thinking in his heart when he said it. Bereishis Rabbah (89:3) says that “praiseworthy is one who relies on Hashem and does not turn to haughtiness and false avenues (Tehillim 40:5).” Yosef had every right and in fact was required to ask the butler for help; the fault lies in what he was thinking in his heart when he made his request. If he would have thought how Hashem is the Only One that can save him, then this would have been a great deed. He however forgot himself and was thinking that the butler was his only way out. Hashem was strict with Yosef and gave him two more years in jail so that he could contemplate and deeply come to terms with the reality that only the Will of Hashem comes to prevail. Yosef grew tremendously from this lesson and in fact the first words that he uttered upon leaving jail were a deceleration of Hashem’s rulership and greatness. Pharoah asked Yosef, “I heard that you interpret dreams?” Yosef replied, “It is not I, Hashem will grant me the wisdom to do so (Bereishis 41:16).”

The above quoted Midrashim focus on the theme of reversed roles. They show the power of Hashem to do what He wants in a manner that He pleases. He can move a king or simpleton in any way and for any purpose, even contradictory roles. That is the entire lesson of Megillas Esther, “V’nahapoch Hu, it was revered (Esther 9:1),” a day that was intended by the enemy to be one of destruction of the Jews was miraculously flipped to be a day of victory, inspiration and celebration for the Jews.

Indeed, if we wish to have blessings in life we are taught to give credit to Hashem Who is the source of all blessings. When we turn to Him and recognize that He is the One behind all of our bounty, we have uplifted and elevated our lives. He may use other messengers to deliver goods, but we must not get distracted by the mask. We strive to only pray to Him for our needs. We are sure to thank Hashem for all of gifts and bounty in any way that He delivers them.

My dear Rebbe, Rabbi Asher Zelig Rubenstein shlit”a explains a beautiful concept here. Whether or not you succeed in marriage is solely in your hands! If one comes into the marriage focusing only on himself, he will fail. If one strives to love, appreciate and care for his wife, he will find true happiness. The choice of which path to pursue is up to you. (This obviously applies to both spouses!)

These are the two options placed before the Chosson. Will you be a “Matza Isha”, will you be focused on finding her… In that case, you will “find goodness and blessing from Hashem” just as the verse states. Or will someone choice to be a “Motzey Ani” focused on Ani, the I, representing selfishness and self-interests only. In that case, it will be “Mar mimaves, miserable.” This is the deeper meaning of “Aishes Chayil Mi Yimtzah, who can find an Aishes Chayil.” The husband who searches to see the greatness and positive aspects of his wife will be most happy indeed. The wife who strives to see her husband’s greatness will be most satisfied.

This explains the above quoted Gemara. The Chosson was not expected to answer the question, he was simply being given vital marriage advise. He was being told that if he wanted to succeed and achieve happiness, he should learn to focus on “Matza Isha, always look to be in touch with your wife’s needs and feelings.” Every couple can choose to focus on caring for the others’ needs and find true happiness, success and fulfillment! This is the message and blessing of Chazal!

In Birchas HaMazone we say, “Bakol, Mikol, Kol.” This refers to the words “kol” that are used in reference to the three Avos. This kol means that they appreciated life and were granted the greatest blessing of happiness and fulfillment. By Avraham it says (Bereishis 24:1), “Hashem blessed Avraham with everything (bakol).” By Yitzchok it is found after Yaakov stole the berachos and Eisav came in and asked his father to bless him. Yitzchok asked Eisav (Bereishis 27:33), “…who was just in here that fed me, and I ate from it all (“mikol”) and I blessed him…” By Yaakov it is found in our Parsha when Yaakov told Eisav, “I have it all (“kol”)” (Bereishis 33:11). [See Pesikta Rabbasi 25:4.]

What needs to be understood is the general theme here and the prefixes. It is fascinating that by Avraham the word “kol” has the prefix of bais (bakol) before it which means “inside,” this hints to Avraham’s trait of Kindness within. He constantly found himself inside Hashem’s warmth, generosity and chessed. Avraham showed the world how to find Hashem through acknowledging all of the kindness and beauty that surrounds us as a gift from Hashem. It was precisely in the merit of Avraham’s service of recognizing Hashem’s kindness and spreading it to the world that brought Avraham the blessing of “all,” spiritual happiness and success. By Yitzchok, the word ‘all’ is found as “mikol, from all.” The prefix of mem, means ‘from.’ This is represents the trait of Yitzchok of gevurah, strength, the process of Avodah, giving our full effort towards the service of Hashem, giving from ourselves in order to fully serve Hashem. By Yaakov, who was the man who represented the culmination of the Avos, who ties together the traits of chessed and gevurah and balanced them with tiferes, beauty and splendor, the word is found as simply “kol” without any prefix. This hints to the delicate balance of serving Hashem with a focus on His kindness and a dedication to give one’s full effort. Yaakov achieved this service and merited to have it all. The Avos teach us how to use this world to grow and that one who does this will be blessed with an inspiring, deeply purposeful, and truly fulfilling life.

Being unable to see, absolute pandemonium broke loose. The blind people began to trip, fall and get hurt over each other, over the expensive equipment, through the stairs and through everything in sight. The director begged for everyone to just stop and listen but to no avail. The room was filled with all sorts of physical damage and pain. Finally, one blind man screamed, “this place was supposed to help us, all it’s doing is hurting us and causing us trouble, let’s all get out of here!” With that, the blind people all rushed to the door tripping over and breaking every last item in the center. It was an utter disappointment and a terrible tragedy. Much pain and money was lost. Because they did not listen, the equipment, furniture, and stairs that were there to help them, became the source of their suffering. So too, says the Chovos HaLevavos, Hashem puts us in this world to succeed and to achieve pleasure. If we listen to the Torah orientation and rules, then we will be guided in how to use the world productively and achieve happiness. But if we do not listen, then we remain blind and will stumble over the very things that are meant to help us.

This lesson applies to all areas of life. When we strive to see the positive and greatness in the gifts that Hashem has given us, then we achieve great happiness. But if we do not learn to see the good, then we will be highly frustrated. “Aishes Chayil Mi Yimtza, who can find the Woman of Valor?” Only one that learns to focus on her good and attributes will find her. Only one who loves and respects his wife according to the Torah’s rules and advice will achieve happiness. Marriage is the most beautiful center for growth, closeness, and happiness for those that listen to the Torah orientation and learn how to seek and find their Aishes Chayil. She lies within every Jewish woman and needs to be seen, found, and appreciated.